


I'm falling, fading, and seeing angels (you could be the death of me)

by hosiecvlt



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Uhm hosie endgame obviously, also Jed and Kaleb are bfs bc I said so hehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29893353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hosiecvlt/pseuds/hosiecvlt
Summary: Hope Mikaelson hates falling. Hates the feeling of slipping, losing her grip on reality. But the worst part isn't the falling. She knows the landing is the worst, because the landing kills.She never thought falling would change when she starts falling for Josie Saltzman.
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 211





	I'm falling, fading, and seeing angels (you could be the death of me)

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what this is so please don’t come at me 😭 also yes I decided they get phones 😌

Hope is falling. 

She has been for years now, she realizes.

She’s been falling for soft brown eyes and a kind heart. For the tall girl who always knows how to calm Hope down with a simple touch, for the girl that Hope finds herself tuning to when she walks the halls. 

This is how she will always remember Joise Saltzman- happy. Carefree.

Josie pushing her over the side of the old wooden dock, into the cool body of water below them, with a smile on her face. Josie laughing loudly at the way Hope splutters and struggles to lift herself out of the water. 

“Sorry.” Josie says sheepishly. 

They both know she’s not  _ that  _ sorry. Hope needed it, really. To be pushed into the cold water and have the air forced out of her lungs- to feel the slight breeze prickle at her skin.

It reminds Hope that she’s not invincible- that she’s just a kid. A teenager. Like Josie. 

Josie. 

Josie, who put her magic away and transferred to Mystic Falls High, but still spends her nights roaming the halls of the Salvatore school. 

(Hope knows. She can hear Josie’s footsteps at night when she’s painting.)

They haven’t talked much about it. Hope’s afraid to, especially since Dr. Saltzman let her take a dive into the deep end of the therapy box. She remembers what Josie had said in the simulation clearly.  _ You fix problems. I run away.  _

Then Josie  _ died _ . 

Of course, Hope knows that it wasn’t the real Josie, that she’s fine- in fact, she’s handing Hope a towel so she can dry off. 

But the implications keep Hope up at night. What if Hope had followed her in the simulation- gotten into that boat with her? 

Hope knows that she was wrong to think Josie runs away from problems. She came to that conclusion after Dr. Saltzman yanked her out. If anything, she was still upset that Josie had waited so long to tell her that she stored away her magic. 

Josie doesn’t run- how could Hope ever lie to herself and say that? 

Josie certainly doesn’t run. 

She went to New Orleans to track down a powerful witch she’s never met, just because of a hunch. She stored away her magic because it’s doing her more harm than good- it’s a  _ solution _ . It may be a temporary one, but at least Josie found it. She takes care of everyone around her and offers solutions to their own problems- and yet, deep down, Hope has been telling herself Josie’s running. 

Physically running, sure. Hope knows she needs to give Josie more credit. At this point, Hope is just sure that the therapy box was messing with her head. 

That’s the point, right? 

Simulation-Josie offered Hope a way out, and when Hope didn’t accept it, she was killed- either Sim-jo was always going to die, or… 

Choosing Josie was Hope’s way out of the cursed therapy box. Even if it did include running away.

If anyone runs, it’s Hope. She was ready to run away the first time she had jumped into Malivore. She’s spent the last three weeks pretending that everything is okay, when she’s been making things worse. 

“Hope?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I asked if you’re hungry.”

Hope’s starving, so they walk back to the Salvatore school in silence and Josie makes Hope two sandwiches. (Technically it’s three, since Hope hasn’t eaten all day and her metabolism  _ hates  _ her.) 

Josie doesn’t say much. Hope doesn’t say anything. 

It’s different- Josie’s older now- seems more confident in herself, despite her silence. She’s always been quiet, but not like this. Hope can’t help but feel she’s at fault. 

Hope goes through the fridge after eating the third sandwich Josie makes her, and Josie giggles a bit, causing memories of Josie to flash in Hope’s mind.

Josie leaning out of a car window with the wind in her hair.

Standing over her, a shy grin on her face as she realized she’s outsmarted Hope in a duel. 

How there were tears in Josie’s eyes when she remembered who Hope was for the first time, immediately rushing to her side and wiping the blood off her eyebrow, the strangled “ _ Hope?”  _ As Hope collapsed into her arms.

The two of them alone in Josie’s room, after Landon had skipped town for the second time. Hope trying to hold back her tears. Josie holding Hope’s hand. 

_ Landon or no Landon, I want you to stay.  _

_ I miss you.  _

Hope telling her that she doesn’t want to bring Josie any more pain. 

Because that’s all Hope has done, isn’t it? Josie has gotten hurt several times when she’s been with Hope. Then there’s all the times her and Josie have disagreed, have gone their separate ways, bringing nothing but pain to the both of them. 

Anyways. 

Josie giggles as Hope raids the fridge in search of more food, and Hope gets this warm feeling in the pit of her stomach- she always feels it when she’s around Josie- the feeling had gone away for a while, but now it’s back, stronger than before. 

Hope ignores it. Tunes her ears to listen to Josie’s heartbeat as she starts eating a handful of grapes. 

She doesn’t miss the way Josie’s heart accelerates ever so slightly when Hope looks at her and tosses a grape into her face. If anything, Hope memorizes it and plays it over in her head. Memorizes it and files it away, for a time when her and Josie are apart. 

“I, uhm, I should go to bed.” Josie says eventually, looking sad at her own announcement. 

Hope tries to not be sad. They have classes tomorrow, and Josie probably has to wake up at the crack of dawn to drive to the other side of town.

“Do you want to sleep in my room?” She has no idea what possesses her to ask, but it’s too late to take it back. 

It’s a lie. 

Hope knows exactly what possessed her to ask. 

Hope can’t sleep alone anymore. Not since Malivore- or more accurately, not since Landon died. 

It’s strange. After Malivore, despite having nightmares, Hope was able to fall asleep in her bed by herself. In fact, there were times when she had kicked Landon out of her room because she just  _ needed  _ to be alone. Of course, there were others when she refused to let him leave. 

Josie flushes. 

“I meant- not like  _ that _ …” Hope explains quickly. “I just… I haven’t been sleeping well lately.” She confesses.

Something flashes in Josie’s eyes. Understanding. 

Hope frowns. She hadn’t thought about Josie having nightmares, too. After the whole Dark Josie debacle, a lot of things got swept under the rug. 

Josie takes Hope up on her offer. She steals a pair of Hope’s shorts and makes herself comfortable in Hope’s bed while Hope debates if she should sleep on the floor. 

Until Josie scoots closer to Hope, and wraps an arm around her hips, “Is this okay?” 

Hope can only nod, afraid her voice will betray her. 

Josie pulls her closer, holds her tighter, and Hope allows it. They lay like that in the dark for what feels like hours, and it’s only when Hope finally has the courage to rest her hand on top of Josie’s one of them speaks. 

“Sometimes I feel useless,” Josie confesses into the dark. “Especially since I put my magic away. It’s just that… I’m so  _ scared.  _ I used to love magic, being able to do it, and now I’m terrified that I could hurt the people I love with the simplest spells. Like I’m just a burden.” 

“You’re not,” Hope whispers- glad she can’t see Josie’s tears. Something about seeing Josie upset always makes Hope feel like shit. Makes her want to take all of Josie’s pain and feel it herself. “Jesus, Jo, you could never be. You’re a saint.” 

Josie laughs quietly into Hope’s shoulder. 

And in return, Hope begins to tell Josie how she feels like a cosmic mistake; someone who should have never been born. That she doesn’t feel like her father’s daughter, or a Mikaelson. She utters words that she has never dared to speak out loud- not to her family, not to Dr. Saltzman- and especially not Landon. 

She utters words that are meant for Josie and Josie only. How sometimes Hope wishes she was never born, because it would save everyone from so much pain.

Josie listens, quietly and intensely as she always has, and squeezes at certain points to encourage Hope to keep talking, or to remind Hope she’s listening. 

By the time Hope  _ is  _ done talking, she’s afraid that she’s shared too much. That even this is too much for Josie. 

It isn’t. Hope swears she’s never heard Josie speak with such conviction, besides the time she had done the Malivore spell. 

_ If you feel that way, then I guess you are. You are a cosmic mistake, but you’re the best one out there. If being the person you are is a cosmic mistake, then I don’t care. You’re the most beautiful cosmic mistake I’ve ever witnessed.  _

After that night, Hope gets a falling feeling in her stomach. Every time Josie looks at her in the halls. Every time they link pinkies in a promise, or just an excuse to get close to each other. Every time Hope can hear Josie’s heartbeat. 

Some days Hope feels light again. Like she’s flying. Or like she’s falling. 

( _ She’s falling _ .)

She doesn’t like the feeling. She never has.

* * *

  
Hope dreams about Malivore occasionally. 

Her dreams have been less frequent recently, which Hope is thankful for, but the less she dreams, the more she finds herself spiralling. Instead of haunting her in her dreams, she’s haunted when she’s alone in her room. When a teacher dims the lights in the classroom. When she’s walking the halls and sees a shadow. When she sees a particular statue that makes her pause for a few seconds.

When Josie isn’t with her. 

Josie always manages to keep memories of Malivore at bay, somehow. As if Josie has seen every second of what Hope went through. She’s there, stopping Hope’s spiral. But not this time. 

They have a new professor, and he’s supposed to teach them all about current problems in the supernatural world. The thing is, Hope keeps a low profile from the new professors. She doesn’t want them to know who she is, so she sits in the back of the classroom and counts down the seconds until she can see Josie again. See any of her friends. To see them and know they’re all okay. 

She’s starting to wish she made her presence a little more well-known, because she’s in the back of her lecture, hiding in the dark as he changes their projection slide to their topic of the day. 

Hope wasn’t looking at the projection until she heard him say Malivore, and when she looked up, she saw a picture of him. His deformed brown face, the shape he somehow took while she was trapped there. The shape Clarke took once they hit the bottom. 

Her breathing starts to come out short and fast, and her palms become sweaty. Her professor drones on and on, seemingly clueless. She only draws attention to herself when she can’t handle the overwhelming memories coming from just a picture, and she runs out the door. 

She tumbles down the stairs, trying to the tears at bay. Reminding herself that he can’t hurt her anymore- not really. She might have a cursed stone following her everywhere- but Malivore himself? He’s gone. Can’t touch her or her friends. 

It’s not enough, and she’s walking down one of the halls until she collides with somebody, their hands instinctively going to her waist. She immediately knows who the hands belong to. 

Josie’s hands. 

She staggers in them for a minute before her feet settle. Josie is still close, her forearms against Hope’s heaving rib cage. She still can’t catch her breath. Josie is too close. Her perfume and her shampoo are overwhelming. She can hear Josie say something, but it falls flat.

“What?”

Josie lifts an eyebrow slowly. “I asked if you are okay?”

“Yeah, Hope, you don’t look so hot.” Jed adds, and Hope sighs. 

“I’m okay,” she pants. “Just a little winded. Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

Josie frowns. Jed accepts her request, clasping a large hand on her shoulder as he walks past. “Okay, as long as you’re good,” he gives the two of them a smile. “Don’t forget, tomorrow is game night.” 

Hope is already shaking her head. Her hair catches on the soft cotton of Josie’s Salvatore top. She’s still so close. Close enough for Hope to make too many mistakes. Close enough for Josiw to know  _ exactly  _ what’s wrong, and Hope hates the feeling. She doesn’t want to burden Josie with anything anymore. 

“Is there any way I can get out of it?” 

“I’m already going with him,” Josie says. She flashes Jed a smile. “All of us haven’t hung out in a while.”

Hope groans. “I can’t do it this week, I have a thing.” Jed pouts at Hope- clearly a method he learned from Josie. “Sorry, education sucks.”

Josie pouts, too. “Please? It’ll be just us. And your favorite person, of course.” 

_ You are my favorite. _

“Who?” 

“Charlie.”

Right, of course. The damn fish Jed bought. The fish that always tries to attack Hope and runs into the glass whenever Hope gets near him, before settling down and starts watching her every move. The group finds it funny, but Hope finds him annoying. It’s like even something as stupid as a fish can sense the type of monster she is. 

“Great, count me in.” Hope says sarcastically. 

Josie’s pout grows. “What's wrong with family night?”

_ Family night.  _ The words make Hope freeze again. Of course, after everything they’ve been through, they’re family, but the idea of it being her friends still feels a bit foreign. She feels like she’s trapped between Josie and a hard place. 

These days, she usually is. And Josie pulls her out, away from a hard place. Hope always chooses Josie.

But now she’s starting to wish that she doesn’t, that she lets herself get distant again, just for a while. She needs a break. Away from Josie being there for her, away from the school and her friends. Just for a few hours. 

She feels guilty for feeling this way, because she loves them. She really does love them. She loves MG and his goofiness and the way he makes her feel big. She loves Josie and her unwavering faith in her. She loves Jed and his blind optimism. How they all don’t care about the baggage she carries, because it’s not about that. 

She loves Josie. Loves everything she possibly could about Josie. 

Josie’s hand slips into hers. She ignores the way Jed’s eyes drift towards it. 

“I, uh, I have to go back to class.” Hope mumbles, letting go of Josie’s hand and walking past Jed.

Hope was so out of it, she had completely forgotten that Josie was supposed to be in class- at Mystic Falls High.

* * *

  
Hope falls in the middle of the spring. Nearly four months after Landon’s death.

Sometimes she thinks that she was always falling. Has been from the moment Josie returned all of their memories. Since Josie pushed her off the dock.

Or maybe it was since the day they met, or even during the ten years they never really spoke to each other, because even when they weren’t friends, they knew. 

Hope had always found herself looking for the taller girl in class. Sometimes Hope would catch her staring. There were times when people would try to bully Josie, or spread lies about Lizzie and Hope would scare them off. 

Or maybe it  _ really  _ started when she was in Malivore, alone with all of the monsters and Clarke, and one of the only things that kept her grounded was hearing Josie:  _ I didn’t want Lizzie to know the truth. I had a crush on you.  _

When she was frustrated. When she was lonely, and scared, all she heard, was Josie’s soft voice reaching out to her. Memories of them doing magic together. 

There may or may not have been a time (or two) when Hope cried in the dark all alone, thinking about her friends. More specifically,  _ Josie.  _ She knew that Josie wouldn’t just forget her, wouldn’t just let some mud pit erase all of their memories together. In a way, Hope was right. It may have involved weeks of Josie hating her, but Josie still  _ knew _ . 

The idea of getting back to Josie kept her from spiralling, knowing that  _ someone _ would be there for her once she returned. 

It feels like an endless drop, her stomach always in her throat. The ground seems so far away. Always out of reach. 

Hope’s scared of falling. She hates the feeling. Hates how her stomach creeps into her throat, how she can’t grab onto anything to prevent her from falling. But that’s not the worst part. 

She knows it’s the landing that kills. 

The landing in Malivore nearly destroyed her.

Josie’s a little more rough, a little more broken around the edges, but Hope doesn’t mind. It reminds her that Josie isn’t some unbreakable, unachievable thing. Reminds her that Josie is real, and there, next to Hope. 

She starts to think that she won’t mind the rough landing she’ll have with Josie, the screaming and crashing. All of it is worth it.

* * *

“Do you think the stars can see us?”

Hope turns her head. Wet grass sticks to her cheeks but she doesn’t care. Josie is laying next to her, head tipped back.  _ They’re star-gazing _ , Josie said.  _ Sometimes I feel so small _ .  _ Broken _ . 

They drove to the edge of Mystic Falls, to a spot with wide, flat stretches of grass. Josie pulled Hope out of the car, her hand cool against Hope’s warm one. If she cared, she didn’t say. She just pulled and pulled the way she always pulls Hope - ignoring the resistance that melts into acceptance quicker than Hope will ever admit to anyone. 

_ Sometimes I feel so small _ , Josie had said.  _ Like that nobody sees the real me. I mean. You’ve seen the real me. _

_ I’ve seen you. I see you,  _ Hope replied with a shrug.  _ You want everyone to think you’re there for them all the time, but sometimes it’s hard. You need someone to be there for you. I get it. I’m here.  _

_ You can see right through me, Hope Mikaleson, and I’m starting to dislike that.  _

_ Well, you see right through me, too. _

_ It’s scary.  _

_ I don’t think so. I like knowing you understand me. _

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Hope answers. 

Because maybe they can and maybe can’t. Maybe they don’t  _ want _ to. Hope’s only a cosmic mistake, not a book with all the answers to the universe. She’s never really studied stars, anyways. But Hope knows the feeling. Some days she avoids the mirror like she avoids her past. Slinks around corners and keeps her head down. 

“I wonder what they think of us.” Josie questions. She’s still looking up at the sky. 

“They probably think we’re idiots,” Hope makes a face, thinking about the events she witnessed earlier. “At least, they think Jed is an idiot.”

“But he’s our idiot,” Josie sighs, smiling. Ever since the attack on the school (the first one, with triad), Jed has proven himself to be a stupid, yet worthy friend. He’s kind and accepting, willing to help out the people he cares about. 

Josie so happens to be one of those people, and Hope likes it. She feels better knowing that Josie’s happy, or somewhat happy because of him. 

Josie’s hand shifts in the grass, some blades brushing against Hope. “They’re ours.”

“We’re theirs,” Hope corrects. “Mystic Falls, too. We belong to them now.”

“That sounds so weird,” Josie finally rolls over, propping her head up on her hand. Hope looks back up at the sky. Her heart is falling in her chest now, sinking into her stomach. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who think we all have a bit of stardust in us.”

Hope shrugs. “Maybe not you, but  _ I _ definitely do.” 

She can basically hear Josie roll her eyes. “Well, if we  _ all  _ have stardust in us, does that mean I belong to you?” 

_ Oh.  _ Hope forces down the bubbling hope in her chest. Grinds her back teeth together. She was not expecting their conversation to take this turn, but she’s talking to Josie Saltzman. She should  _ have _ expected it. 

“I’ve only belonged to one thing before. Or have one thing belong to me, I guess,” She admits. Josie knows. Josie knows almost all of her secrets. The only one she doesn’t know is this one. She only knows part of it, how her father, uncle and mother all died to protect her. Hope keeps locked inside of her, even as it pushes against the line of her mouth, dying to be spoken. 

What Josie knows about her and her family is common knowledge to anybody who attends the Salvatore school. She’s only had to explain it to one person, and that was Landon, and even then, she only told him the tip of the iceberg. 

“Your family?” Josie breathes out, like she’s terrified to ask the question. 

“Yeah,” Hope mumbles. “They taught me always and forever.” Hope gives Josie a look immediately after she realizes what she stepped into. 

“Don’t you dare sing Taylor Swift.” She tells the girl, and Josie has the courage to look disgusted. 

“I wasn’t going to!” She counters back, “Are you going to tell me or should I go waste my time somewhere else?” 

Hope sighs, not able to hide the smile ghosting her lips. She’s gotten used to Josie’s remarks- Hope didn’t realize it before, always so busy fighting monsters, but Josie has the ability to be just as sarcastic as Lizzie. Hope’s definitely gotten used to it. Used to the way Josie cares for people. How Josie has just as many walls up as she does, and possibly more. Hope doesn’t mind. She’ll climb every one- if Josie lets her. 

“They taught me always and forever. When I was a kid, I didn’t really understand. I felt awkward saying it, or I just didn’t want to, y’know? But as I started to get older, I understood. My father wasn’t an easy man to love. None of us are easy to love, but I loved all of them, and all of them loved me,” 

Hope pauses for a second, taking in a sharp breath to stop the tears from falling. “Always and forever. No matter what, we’d fight for each other, support each other. I lost that feeling once my father died… After Malivore… I told myself to never let myself feel that way again, be apart of something.” 

Hope never wants to talk about her family. The burden that comes with them, and Josie never presses her for any information. She  _ never  _ wants to, but she wants Lizzie. And part of wanting Josie comes with the way Hope trusts her. 

“But I’m starting to feel that way again,” Hope admits. “With you. Lizzie. The boys- Jed included.” 

“Awe,” Josie coos. “You love us.”

_ I love you.  _

“Shut up,” she grumbles. She lets Josie lean into her. Ignores the steady thrum of her pulse coursing through her. Ignores the way her heart skips two beats before it resets. Ignores the burning skin where Josie’s hand curls around her arm. 

Each time, she falls a little more. A gradual fall, maybe. An inch by inch. It’s been like this since the start, she realizes. The worst part is that she’s not trying to stop herself. 

She’s already stopped trying to stop herself. 

She doesn’t want to stop falling anymore. 

Josie tugs at her arm until they’re laying back in the grass again. Her hand stays there, tangled in the sleeve of Hope’s shirt. The afternoon rain still clings to it and her jeans are damp against the back of her thighs. 

“I want to stay here forever.” Josie whispers.

The words feel too heavy in her mouth, like cement, but she says them anyway. “I do, too.”

“With  _ you _ .”

Maybe Josie doesn’t know what she’s saying. Maybe she doesn’t know how the words stick to the inside of Hope’s ribs. Maybe she doesn’t know that Hope takes them out at night in the room that doesn’t feel like her own and she stares at them until they feel real. Maybe Josie doesn’t know that they put air into Hope’s lungs when she feels like she can’t breathe. 

Maybe she does.

That almost makes it worse. 

Because if she does, she doesn’t say anything. She continues to feed these words to Hope, continues to put air into her lungs without accepting anything in return. 

And Hope doesn’t want to keep taking, but she needs to breathe. When she’s with Josie, she  _ wants  _ to breathe. 

* * *

  
  


Hope wonders if her fall has an end to it. Everything is a black, endless hole with no knowledge of what lies in wait at the end of it. Even Malivore didn’t have such a big fall. 

Except that she knows what waits at the end. Destruction. Heartbreak. A darkness she’s not sure she’ll find her way out of. 

She’s thought about asking MG, unfortunately. She’s already talked to him about it a few times, but she’s still left a lot unsaid. Her friend seems to know more about falling for a Saltzman twin than anybody else, so her options are limited. 

“What are you thinking about?” Josie whispers. 

They’re shoulder to shoulder in Josie’s bed. The streetlight outside of the window casts a shadow across the bed that makes Hope’s heart hammer in her chest. If Hope wakes up too suddenly, too desperate for air in her lungs, she sees the pit of Malivore. All of the monsters inside the pit, hears Malivore’s haunting voice ringing in her ears. She remembers how scared she was, and feels small again. The mighty Tribrid, knocked down to the lowest level. Alone.  _ Forgotten _ . 

Josie knows. She always knows. She wakes up just as quickly. She pulls Hope into her side and runs her hands through Hope’s hair and whispers into Hope’s ear. Holds her tight, just like she did after the moment Josie restored her memories, and if not,  _ tighter. _

_ I’m here. You’re safe _ , Josie mumbles. She recites random facts. She lists the elements on the periodic table. She reads the bad pickup lines MG and Jed keep dropping in their group chat. Sometimes she whispers more soothing words,  _ I got you. Just let it out.  _ She says just enough to pull Hope back from the crumbling edge. She is enough. Reminds Hope that she’s enough. 

Hope shrugs, her shoulder against Josie’s. “Sharks,” she decides. “MG watched a documentary on them last night. Did you know that the Thresher Shark stuns its prey with its tail before eating?”

Josie snorts, in that normal Josie Saltzman way. “ _ That’s _ what’s keeping you up?”

Hope turns over. Tucks her hands under her chin. “Fine. What are  _ you _ thinking about?”

“Leaving,” Josie exhales. She turns, one arm under her head. “Going… anywhere.”

The hum is back. Low in her stomach. Josie’s eyes flash in the streetlight.

It’s funny, how a few weeks ago, Josie had uttered the words  _ I want to stay here forever. With you _ . 

Hope tries to not be offended. Things change.

“Where would you go?”

“ _ We _ ,” Josie corrects quickly. Oh. “You’re coming with me, remember? I trust you.”

Hope’s jaw clenches. The words were soothing once, but now when Josie says it, Hope can’t help but let her mind wander. Josie  _ trusts  _ her. Trusts Hope enough to put her life in her hands. Cares and trusts Hope enough to continue to spend all these nights with her, spilling secrets she hasn’t told anybody else.

“Where are we going?” she asks. 

_ I’ll follow you anywhere. _

Josie sighs wistfully. “Anywhere. Japan. Where do you want to go?”

Hope thinks about it. Thinks about the places she thought she’d always visit. The feeling she gets when she thinks about going back to New Orleans. The places she can never go now. Bitterness starts to slip along her spine and she curls in, looking away from Josie. “It doesn’t matter, does it? We can’t actually go anywhere. Not anymore.”

Josie reaches out with one hand. She pulls at the hem of Hope’s shirt. Something she keeps at Josie for nights like this. “Hey,” she says softly. “We can still dream, can’t we?”

Hope snorts. “But why? What’s the point?”

Josie pushes in so close that her nose brushes Hope’s forehead. “If we don’t have dreams…” She swallows and Hope watches her throat bob with unsaid words. “What do we have, then?”

_ Nothing _ . 

“Reality,” Hope mumbles. “And the reality is, Jo, that we’re not going anywhere.”

Josie’s forehead presses down against her own. Whispers, “At least we’re going nowhere together.”

Josie kisses her and Hope falls and falls. 

Josie seems to fall, too.

* * *

  
  


The rock rattles on her nightstand. Hope tries to ignore it. Tries to push it to the back of her mind. But it hums loudly over the things in her head and she finally turns over in bed, grabbing it. 

It settles in her hand and Hope feels something vibrate through her chest. 

Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s not. 

But now that she’s holding it, she can think.

About Josie. 

About kissing. 

About kissing Josie in Josie’s bed and kissing Josie in the car and kissing Josie in the third floor bathroom. In the corner of the library that’s just theirs. In the gym to distract her during a training session. About kissing Josie everywhere. 

If Hope thought she was falling before - if she thought she fell at the start of the summer - then she doesn’t know what this is. A free fall. Maybe this is Hope closing her eyes and jumping out of a plane without a chute or a backup plan. 

“This is gross,” Josie whispers. She swings a leg up and over the windowsill, careful to avoid the dirty laundry piling up beneath it. “When are you going to wash these?”

Hope looks away, embarrassed. The truth is, ever since Malivore, she hasn’t found something as simple as doing her laundry important. She hardly sleeps, and most of her time is now consumed by classes, whichever monster is making its presence known, or with her friends. Or with Josie, kissing her, touching her, letting herself be consumed by the love Josie gives her.

“When are you going to start using the door?”

“Uh,  _ never _ ?” Josie slides into the room. “Windows are more romantic. Romeo called Juliet through a window, didn’t they?”

Hope puts her rock back on her nightstand and sits up. Pushes the comforter away. “They died, you know.”

Josie shrugs a shoulder carelessly. “I must have missed that part.” She pauses at the foot of Hope’s bed before she toes her shoes off, kicking them away into the darkness. 

Hope can see the hesitation in her eyes. She feels it in her stomach, too. It churns over and over. There’s something comforting about her not being alone. About Josie feeling this way, too. 

“Can I?”

“Yeah.” She says it too quickly. Too earnestly. 

But Josie doesn’t seem to care. She kneels on one leg, hovering over the bed. Hope exhales a rush of courage that still catches her off guard and reaches forward. Winds her hand into the front of Josie’s shirt and pulls. 

Josie falls, one hand on the headboard and the other at Hope’s shoulder, Hope’s hand at her waist. They flex and curl in the belt loops of her jeans. 

_ Don’t let go. _

“Hey,” Josie whispers. She lifts a hand and brushes some of Hope’s hair back off her face. 

“Hi.”

“Is this-“

“Yeah.” Hope winces. Too quick again. 

Josie smiles and it makes Hope’s hands tremble. She’s falling again, slipping and sliding and she doesn’t care. Josie’s breath ghosts over the planes of her cheeks. She doesn’t care. Josie’s palm burns hot through her shirt. Josie leans in and Hope has been kissed before. But nothing that has ever prepared her for what it’s like to kiss Josie Saltzman. Josie shifts above her. Her mouth is warm and soft. She’s careful, kissing slow and firm until Hope’s mind goes comfortably blank.

Kissing Josie Saltzman feels like she’s holding something fragile. It feels like she has her hands on something that doesn’t belong to her. Something she can break as easily as she can breathe. 

It feels she’s falling, and for once? She’s not afraid to land. She welcomes the landing. 

* * *

  
  


Josie pulls her hand across the bed. Her fingers trace over the lines of her palm and she stops at the small bundle of nerves over her wrist. Josie hums. 

Hope lifts her head. Opens one eye. “What are you doing?”

“Looking at your future.” Josie drags a nail down one of the lines. 

Josie’s touch tickles. “And?”

Josie continues to hum softly, matching Hope’s rock in her pocket. “Your lifeline is looking a little short.”

The joke falls flat in the space between them. Hope winces but Josie pulls, keeping her close. 

“Your love life, though…” Josie looks up, her bottom lip caught in her teeth. “Well, that looks promising.”

Hope feels her face burning. “Does it?”

Josie hums again and nods. “I’m seeing… a girl in your future.”

Hope laughs. It’s louder than she expects it to be. Josie smiles anyway. Comes closer. Shifts on her elbows until she’s resting her chin on Hope’s shoulder, hands tangled between them. 

_ I love you. Please don’t let go.  _

Josie comes closer and Hope feels the earth move. It shifts and shakes beneath her, unsettling her from the place she’s standing on. She’s tumbling head over feet, moving too quickly. She wants to turn. Run. Never look back. But Josie is there. Matching her step for step. Jumping when she jumps.

Falling when she falls. Hope prays.

“So… a girl?” The words stick to the back of Hope’s throat.

Josie nods. Her chin brushes Hope’s shoulder. “Yeah. She’s… tall.”

Hope squeezes Josie’s hand in her own. “I like tall.”

“I like  _ you _ .” Josie breathes. 

There it is. Them. The thing they haven’t talked about. There’s kissing and there’s sneaking into bedrooms late at night and afternoons in the back of Josie’s car with the windows down. Sitting together with their friends during breakfast and holding hands underneath the table. 

But there’s still this thing. This voice in her head that says she’s falling alone and there’s no one jumping down to meet her. This voice that says Josie thinks this is fun. That she’s doing this to pass the time. That this won’t last forever, that Hope something will happen and ruin their chances. That Hope will destroy it, because at this point, Hope has realized that she’s a cosmic mistake, and the worst kind. The kind that ruins everything it touches. No matter how good it is.

The voice is loud and she can’t always fight it off late at night when Josie is slipping out the window she came in from- which still doesn’t make sense. Josie  _ lives  _ in the same building, but it makes Hope laugh, and Josie says she likes to hear Hope laugh.

But Josie whispers  _ I like you _ and the voice stops. Goes quiet. Leaves without a trace, as if it was never there. 

“You do?”

Her voice shakes. Her hands shake. She knows Josie can hear it, feel her hands shaking. But she shakes and she waits and Josie just reaches out to her. Smooths two fingers over Hope’s cheek. Leans forward. 

Josie whispers. “Duh. I didn’t realize you were so oblivious.”

Hope bends and snaps, lifting the last few inches between them and kissing Josie. She slides her hand along Josie’s neck, fingertips curling around Josie’s jaw. She’s done this a thousand times, and if she does it a thousand more, she'll still never feel like she’s done this enough. Josie sighs into her mouth, her tongue wet against Hope’s lip. There’s a hand at her shoulder, then her neck. It slides into her hair and tugs gently, pulling Hope closer. 

Josie presses closer, her hips against Hope’s hips. “You like me?” she questions. 

Hope nods, stealing kisses with each dip of her head. “I do.”

Of course she does. Of course she  _ has _ . But Josie doesn’t know that. Josie might never know that. Hope won’t say it. Won’t even think it when Josie’s hand is sliding out of her hair to the hollow of her throat. Won’t think about it when Josie kisses like this. Like she already knows. 

She doesn’t know. Hope is sure she doesn’t know.

When Josie’s hand drifts lower and lower and Hope falls with it. 

A few hours later, after Josie finally agrees to leave as any normal person would through Hope’s door, Hope rests her face in her hands and breathes deeply. She almost can’t believe it. 

She grins as Josie sends her a text. Listens to the soft steps of Josie leaving her hallway. She lays back on her bed. Rest her head on her hands. Breathes. She doesn’t understand what Josie does to her. 

They were touching all night. Josie’s hands are soft and confident. Slipping her hands under the hem of Hope’s shirt and around her back. Stayed there for a few minutes before going up to the clasp of Hope’s bra. Hope touching Josie, and her hands still shaking, still a bit clammy. They’ve been like that since Malivore, but Josie didn’t care. Just kissed Hope harder and covered Hope’s hand with hers. 

And Josie accidentally whispered the words  _ my girlfriend _ into Hope’s mouth. They looked at each other, Hope staring into her brown eyes, and she could see the slight panic Josie had from her slip up. Running fingers through her brown hair. She likes the idea of being Josie’s girlfriend. 

_ Girlfriend?  _ Hope teased, even though she felt normal again. A normal nineteen year old. With a girlfriend. She could use some normal in her life.  _ I like that.  _

Josie grinned at that. Squeezed Hope’s hand. Kissed her neck, traced her fingers over the curve of Hope’s ribcage. 

Hope really can’t believe it. 

Relationship. They’re in a relationship.  _ She’s  _ in a relationship. Her first one since Malivore and

she has a girlfriend. Josie Saltzman is her girlfriend.

Her rock thrums on her nightstand. It rattles and now she’s starting to feel like her heart is in time with the rock. Matching her heartbeat. Connecting her to the ruins of Malivore and everything else she saw while she was down there. Falling and falling with her. Causing her to fall. 

Hope holds onto the rock and wills it to stop moving. Closes her eyes and hopes for it to stop moving, to stop following her, and it stills in her hand. But it sits in the palm of her hand, waiting to do something else. Anything else. 

Hope knows she should tell somebody. Like MG or Kaleb- even Jed. She should tell Josie’s, because Josie’s her girlfriend and Hope trusts her more than everybody else. 

She decides to stay quiet, because it’s a secret. It’s been one for nearly a year now, but only decided to start messing around with her now. Maybe it’s just her mind playing tricks on her. Maybe a way for her to refuse that Malivore is really gone. 

The rock is a secret. For now.

Hope doesn’t mind. She really doesn’t. She wants to keep falling where no one can see her. Wants the rock to mean nothing. 

* * *

  
There’s something wrong with the rock.

Instead of following Hope’s heartbeat, it’s vibrating. Hard enough to bounce around in her drawer, making noise, even if it's hidden in a sock. Loud enough to keep Hope up at night. Enough for Josie to notice that Hope’s moved all of her dirty laundry to her closet, and hide the rock in the pile, because that’s the only way she can keep it quiet enough for Josie to not know. 

Hope stares at the ceiling and wonders what it means.

Before, it was okay. It gave her some sort of life, a reminder of what Hope was able to overcome. Now it pulses with a mind of it’s own and scares Hope. Burns now, when she tries to pick it up. Too hot for her to pick up at times. 

She wonders what it means. Wonders if it’s actually connected to her somehow, that it’s heating up and is out of tempo with her heartbeat because things are heating up with Josie. With Josie spending the night in her room, the two of them kissing and touching, and then Josie kissing her thighs and Hope’s pulling at Josie’s hair. Maybe it’s because Hope has kept it a secret for so long, it’s coming back to bite her in the ass. 

She wants to ask if her friends feel different. Feel a strange gut feeling that something bad is about to happen, that something bad is coming their way. She doesn’t ask. Instead, she finds more ways to occupy her time, more ways to stay longer at MG’s room, ways to sleep in Jed’s room on days Josie can’t come over. Starts doing her sessions with Emma again, but never mentions the rock. She mentions Josie, how she makes her feel like all of her past trauma can’t hurt her anymore. 

Which is true, only until she sees the rock again.

So she hides it. She wraps it in a sock and carries it in her backpack instead of her pockets. Hides it under her mattress when she sleeps. Tells herself that if she can’t actually see it, it’s not there. Wonders if Josie can feel it when she comes over late at night. Wonders if Josie feels it when they kiss, or they whisper secrets under the sheets. If she does, Josie doesn’t say anything. 

Something has to be wrong with it, but Hope doesn’t ask. Doesn’t share it with anybody.

She just holds it tightly for now. Keeps it close. 

She holds Josie even closer.

* * *

  
“Quiet,” Josie pants. She’s pushing Hope into the mattress, hair wild.

Hope’s hand still at Josie’s hips, palms flat. She tries to fine-tune her hearing but there’s nothing. Nothing out of the ordinary, at least. Nothing but Josie gasping softly and the buzzing of her rock wrapped in a sock tucked in her dresser.

“Do you hear that?” Josie asks. 

Hope shrugs, “Hear what?” 

“Nothing.” 

Josie shifts above her, hips rolling into hers. Hope fights the noise bubbling in her throat. Pushes it back down. She scratches at the soft skin beneath her hands. Bites her lip when Josie shifts away and smiles down at her.

“What are you-”

Josie puts a finger to her mouth and shakes her head. Hope lets it stay there. She focuses on Josie instead. Watches her hair swing back and forth as she leans further towards the door. Slides her hands over Josie’s sides and traces lines into her stomach.

“Okay,” Josie leans back over her, shifts her hips back until they’re pressing into Hope’s thighs. “Okay.  _ Hi _ .” She breathes. 

“Hey.” Hope mumbles back. Josie’s leaning closer again.

Hope meets her halfway. She kisses Josie like she’s drowning. Like she’s never known air before. Josie threads her fingers into her hair and pulls her up from the dark. Stops her from falling. Keeps her steady and in one place and whole. 

There are fingernails behind her waistband and Josie sits back just enough for Hope to lean forward. Just enough to chase. To lift up off Hope’s bed and follow her wherever Josie is going.

A hand against her hip bone. A finger dipping below her jeans. A mouth hot against her neck, whispering up to her ear. A slow roll of pressure against her hips. Josie fumbles with the button on her jeans. Misses it twice before it catches and releases. 

“Is this-”

“Yeah.” Hope clears her throat clumsily. Hands on Josie’s sides. “Yeah.”

For the first time, she’s climbing instead of falling. Her chest aches and Josie kisses the ache away, as if she can somehow feel it, too. Her body burns, and Josie’s next to her. Then her climb is over and she’s falling again. 

Falling again and Josie’s with her. Kissing her, holding her. Looks at her in a certain way that makes Hope think. 

Think that maybe Josie’s falling, too. 

Falling with her. Falling down without an end. Accepting the free fall with Hope.

* * *

  
  


MG gives her a seven of spades, glaring over his hand.

Hope ignores him. “Got any eights?”

“Go fish.”

Hope picks up a card. Nothing she can use.

“Got any… fives?” She hands him a five of diamonds. MG pokes his tongue out of his mouth, thinking. “Got any… news on you and the  _ other _ twin?”

Hope throws a card at his shoulder. It bounces off him and ricochets back towards her. MG grins.

“No.” 

“But Hope-”

“ _ No _ .”

Befriending MG was simultaneously the best and worst thing Hope’s done. 

“She likes you.”

_ I know she does. _

“And?”

She reaches out and takes the cards from his hands. “You like her.”

_ I know I do.  _

“So?”

MG groans and throws himself on the floor of his bedroom. Drapes a hand dramatically over his face. He waits a few seconds before he peeks out from behind his fingers, sighing again when Hope doesn’t seem to care. “Hope.” He whines. 

Hope kicks weakly at his side. MG doesn’t need to know that they’re already ahead of him. She can practically hear MG’s happy voice once he finds out they’re actually dating. Hope’s surprised that she’s been able to keep it from MG this long. “Knock it off.”

“You should tell her.”

“I’ll tell Josie I’ve been crushing on her when you tell Lizzie you’re still madly in love with her. Or I’ll tell her for you.” 

“You monster, you wouldn’t.” MG sits up so quickly, Hope has to fight the urge to jerk back. 

MG’s right. Hope would never, but she gets a kick out of seeing how red MG gets at the mention of his unwavering love for Lizzie Saltzman.

“Besides, I think she hates me.” MG adds, almost nonchalant. “For dating Alyssa Chang.”

“She does.”

MG stares at her. Hope stares back. She wasn’t going to lie to him, she had no reason to.

“I’m just saying,” MG finally says, his voice soft. “Go for it, you know? We only live once and all that shit.”

“And all that shit.” she echoes. She’s technically lived twice. Hope doesn’t want to get into that now, though. They both technically lived twice. 

MG sighs. “You know what I mean. Life’s too long to be spending it loving the wrong person or pretending to not care about someone you love.” 

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” Hope asks. “Pretending I don’t care about Josie? That I’m what, wasting my time loving someone else?” 

She can’t help it. Anger seeps into her voice and MG looks away, guilty. She knows it’s not his fault- that her and Josie haven’t told anyone yet, but it still angers her. Does MG really think she’s just sitting around, wasting time? 

“No, that’s not… forget it.” MG mumbles, clearly trying to avoid any more confrontation. 

The rock keeps shaking. Keeps reminding her that it’s there, that Malivore isn’t completely gone. She knows it’s stored away in her drawer, away from her and MG. That it’s just a rock and it can’t do anything, but it feels closer. As if the rock is in her pocket, or in her hand. Or maybe she’s wrong, and it  _ can  _ hurt her and MG. The people she loves.  _ Josie _ .

When MG leaves, she takes it out of her dresser. Stares at it in her hand. Watches as it trembles, watches as it falls in line with her heartbeat, giving off a strange glow as her heart beats. 

She shoves the rock under the mattress and picks up her phone. Tries to ignore that Josie’s name fills her recent calls list.

“Hey, it’s me.” She looks around the room. She can see a faint light under her disheveled comforter. “Want to come over?”

Jed’s voice, “Sure. What’s up?”   
  


* * *

MG finally talked to Lizzie, Hope realizes one day. 

She’s sitting next to Jed, ignoring his complaints about their monopoly game in front of them. She can tell by the way that MG’s hand constantly brushes Lizzie’s, the way MG smiles, one of his real ones, when the corners meet his eyes. 

Hope knows that Josie has enough of it when MG’s hand falls onto Lizzie’s thigh, out of a habit. She gives Hope a look and she can already hear the complaints Josie will have later that night.  _ Did you see that? Lizzie didn’t even tell me they got together.  _

Hope already knows what she’ll say to that. 

_ Jo, none of our friends know we’re together.  _

“We’re out of popcorn.” Hope announces. 

“Maybe if you didn’t eat it all.” Lizzie counters. 

“I was hungry.” 

“Well, go get more if you’re still hungry.” 

“But it’s my turn.” 

Hope and Lizzie share a look. Right, of course. Lizzie, being the great friend she is, doesn’t care that it’s Hope’s turn in their very intense game of monopoly. 

“I’ll get some more.” Josie offers. 

Hope shoots up, “I’ll go with you. Kaleb, take my turn for me.” Behind Josie, MG gives her a thumbs up, and Hope rolls her eyes.

By the time they get to the kitchen, they forget about the popcorn. Hope can barely catch her breath, and it doesn’t help that Josie has her trapped against the cool metal of a counter. Doesn’t help that Josie’s hands are everywhere, doesn’t help that Josie’s whispering into her ear as her lips trail down Hope’s jaw. 

“Oh!”

MG backs up suddenly, bumping into Lizzie. Lizzie stumbles back into Jed, reminding Hope of lined up dominoes. 

“I knew it.” Jed grins ear to ear, flashing Hope a thumbs up. “Get it, Hope.”

Josie slowly peels herself away and Hope wants to peel away with her. Curl herself into Josie and slip away to a place where they’re alone. Josie isn’t shying away. She slips her arm through Hope’s, her fingers sliding down Hope’s arm until they settle at the wild pulse in her wrist. 

“I’m getting some,” Josie corrects, with a dorky smile on her face. Kaleb makes a face, and Lizzie refuses to look at any of them, her cheeks red- probably with anger. 

Jed claps his hands together in excitement. “Yo, you know what that means, Kaleb.” 

“No, I don’t,” Kaleb grumbles, glaring at Hope. “Did you seriously  _ not _ make the first move?” 

“Well… I… Jo…”

“Of course she didn’t, she can’t pick up a hint to save her life!” Josie interjects, and Hope groans.

“Are you  _ seriously _ going to encourage this, Josie?” 

“AH!” MG cheers, “I get my money back!” 

“Damn it, MG, you can go get a job if you need money so badly.” 

Hope’s heart stutters in her chest. “Your money?”

“I thought I’d win,” Kaleb admits, with a shrug, and Lizzie gives the vampire a smack on his arm. “I’m out of $20.” He points at Hope. “You owe me a whole pizza. And some weed.”

“You guys were betting on my sister and Hope?!” Lizzie demands, finally catching up. Hope feels just as confused as Lizzie sounds- there’s way too much going on for her to retain.

Josie makes a face, “I bought you a pizza yesterday.” 

“Yeah, and?” Kaleb questions. “What’s wrong with pizza?” 

“Nothing.” 

“It’s okay, I don’t need Hope’s lame ass pizza, anyways,” Kaleb says smiling again, tapping Jed to get his attention. “All I need is you.” 

Jed’s quickly turning red, “You’re so… cheesy.” 

The two of them start laughing, and Hope wonders when the two of them started to share one brain cell. Before, the two of them had at least a few working brain cells. And… are they dating? When did they start dating?

“We don’t sound that stupid, do we?” Lizzie asks MG. 

MG looks from her to Lizzie. “I think we do. Sometimes.” 

“No, there’s no way.” Lizzie denies. 

It’s falling apart, but it’s not as bad as she thought it would be. Josie is still close. Her friends are still there. The knot of fear in her chest - the one that comes and goes like the shaking of the rock and Malivore’s voice in her head - disappears slowly. Josie squeezes her hand and she breathes. 

Hope curses and digs into her pocket. She pulls out the rock. She forgot that she stuck it in there in the morning. Everyone is looking at her, staring at the rock shaking in her hand. Josie reaches out to touch it, and pulls her hand away when she feels the heat. 

“What is that?” Josie asks, in her concerned voice. The voice she gets when she’s actually worried. 

“I.. uh… It’s from Malivore,” Hope says. “I don’t even know. It just sort of followed me out. I’ve tried to get rid of it since.” 

That seems to be an explanation enough for her friends, because they’re all staring at the rock, more carefully than before. 

“We should talk to Dad,” Josie finally says. “He might know something.” 

And now Hope is afraid of her rock for a whole other reason. 

* * *

  
Alaric says something is coming. He doesn’t say what, and Hope’s starting to think he never knew anything to begin with.

How was she supposed to prepare herself for something she knows nothing about? 

She dreams about Malivore for the first time in months. 

Josie climbs through her window and Hope nearly puts her through the wall. 

“It’s okay.” Josie puts her hands up. Shows Hope the lines of her palms. Her hands are empty and her eyes are full of sympathy. “It’s just me.”

“Jesus Christ, ” She hisses. “Wear a bell.”

Josie lips pull in a soft smile. “I called. You didn’t pick up.”

“So you thought you’d ninja into my bedroom in the middle of the night?” She takes a step back. Sits down hard on the edge of the bed. 

Josie sits down slowly next to her. She picks up Hope’s hand. Turns it over. Traces a fingernail down in a long line from the tip of her finger to her wrist. “Why didn’t you tell me about the rock from Malivore?”

Hope pulls her hand away. She had done her best to ignore her souvenir from Malivore. It was just a constant reminder of what she had gone through, everything she  _ didn’t _ want to remember, but it followed her anyway. She tried throwing it away. Burning it, destroying it with magic, but nothing would work. 

“I didn’t think people would believe that I was being haunted by a rock.” 

Josie laughs softly at Hope’s tone.

“I would have believed you. I believe everything you tell me. Remember when I taught you the Malivore spell the second time?”

And Hope believes her. Because every time she’s opened up about Malivore with Josie, Josie has always been quiet. Absorbing the information, holding onto it. Learning Hope’s new habits, forgetting her old ones. Believing every single word Hope says, all because she wants to. Wants to be there for Hope in any capacity. Hope doesn’t respond, and Josie falls back onto the bed and pulls Hope with her until they’re shoulder to shoulder staring up at the ceiling. 

“I should put stars up there.”

Josie turns her head to look at her. “Like, glow-in-the-dark ones?”

Hope nods. Like glow-in-the-dark constellations. “Or I could just cast a spell, but there’s no way I’d be able to keep it up there forever.” 

“We’ll find a spell that’s permanent,” Josie insists. “We can go star-gazing and never leave your room.” 

That sounds nice. Hope doesn’t mind spending the rest of her life in her room, if it means she gets to be next to Josie Saltzman and looking at the stars. If she gets to look at Josie, too. It all sounds so comfortable and soothing. But they’d never be able to do it. 

Hope turns her head. Josie is close. So close. Their nose brush. She licks her lips. “Is that what you want?”

She’s asking something else. Josie knows. Josie always knows. 

“I want to go everywhere with you,” Josie whispers. “Is that okay?” 

There’s still room left to fall. Hope wasn’t sure there was, but there is. It’s right here in between them. Her stomach drops out like she’s at the peak of a rollercoaster and there’s nowhere to go but down. 

* * *

  
When she was stuck in Malivore, countless monsters told her that it only makes sense that she was stuck in there with them. That she’s a monster, too, that it’s her fight. Just like it was all of theirs. 

But she doesn’t want it to be her fight. She wants to go to her dorm and lay down under her spelled stars with her girlfriend -  _ girlfriend _ \- and kiss her until she feels like the whole world is spinning in a blur around her. 

She wants to sit on top of the rundown train with Jed and see who can throw rocks the farthest. She wants to spend the afternoon in Josie’s room and try to learn hundreds of old spells, and practice them until they’re perfected. She wants to crowd the seat of MG’s truck and flick fries into the air for him to catch in his mouth. She wants to be able to go back to New Orleans and show her friends where she grew up. 

She wants to be nineteen. She wants her freedom back. 

Her entire life, she’s belonged to something. Her family, New Orleans, her legacy. Mystic Falls, and protecting the town as best as she can. But she wants to belong to herself. Wants to be able to leave whenever she wants, with whoever she wants,  _ do  _ whatever she wants, but she never can. 

  
  


The monsters are back- and Hope doesn’t realize until it’s too late. MG and Josie are bringing in a beaten Jed through the doors of the Salvatore school, and the rock from Malivore hurts too much to hold- burning marks into Hope’s hands. 

Jed collapses onto the couch, groaning in pain as MG offers him some of his blood, and Hope is quick to make sure Josie isn’t hurt too badly. 

She’s not. She seems to be in perfect condition, expect for the small wound on her forehead. 

“What happened?” Hope asks.

“We were leaving the high school,” Josie explains, “Hope, the monsters are back.  _ All  _ of them.” 

“Okay,” Hope swallows. “Here’s what we’ll do, we’ll gather up all the older students and evacuate everyone younger than thirteen, and we’ll wait for them to come here.” 

Josie tenses under Hope’s touch, “What are you planning? Landon’s not… they don’t want him anymore.”

“Exactly. I’m the last thing standing between Malivore and immortality.” 

Josie frowns, backing away from Hope’s touch. “So, what? You’re just gonna do something completely stupid and reckless?” 

“Jo, you know that I- we don’t have time to argue about this. You don’t have your magic, and we need to get the kids-”

“I’m not letting you do this alone,” Josie cuts her off, “But I’m still mad at you.”

“What are you…”

“You can’t fight them all off if I don’t have my magic. I’m getting my magic, and Lizzie. Lizzie can help, too.”

“So can Jed and Kaleb.”

“By the way, I’m still mad at you.” Josie says, but she leans down to kiss Hope anyways. “Don’t do anything stupid until I come back.”

“No promises.” 

Just like when the triad attacked, complete chaos ensues as they try to clear out the school. Good thing is, they’re able to get all of the kids out without any issues- since they’re more prepared.

There’s a sea of monsters stretched out in front of them. She can hardly see the streets they fill.    
  


“I can’t believe Mystic Falls is our own Sunnydale,” Lizzie complains. She stands next to her, and for one of the first times in a while, their arms aren’t brushing, their hands aren’t glued together. “This is ridiculous, do we look like Buffy?

“There’s so many of them,” Josie says in awe. 

MG shifts restlessly. “Yo, what are we waiting for?”

The monsters shift and sway silently. 

“They’re not moving.” Josie is next to her, closer than before. Shoulders almost brushing. Their hands swing and nearly touch. “What are they waiting for?”

Hope doesn’t know. She wishes she does. If she had all the answers, she wouldn’t be standing here. She’d be with Josie. With her friends, being normal. Applying to a college. “Maybe they can’t do anything without Malivore?” 

There was a time when she couldn’t do anything without Malivore. Hovering in the background. Haunting her dreams. Malivore was in everything she saw. But now she breathes Josie in. Lives better through her friends and she sleeps Malivore away. Now Malivore was just a vague memory that she’s not sure truly exists. 

But now it feels like Malivore is back, pushing Hope away from her friends, pushing her safety net Josie. She’s been in a constant state of falling with Lizzie, but this is different. A fall that Hope is scared of. 

“Okay,” Hope mumbles, trying to think what they would do if they were the real Avengers. She vaguely remembers watching one of the movies with MG. She racks her memory, “Okay, um…”

“Oh, my god, girl, what are you doing?” Kaleb asks.

“Um… er, Avengers…” Hope mumbles, and MG’s eyes widen. 

“Say it!” MG says excitedly, and Kaleb looks at the two of them, truly lost for words.

“What’s going on?” Jed demands, “We’re trying to not die over here.” 

“Avengers, Assemble!” Hope says, and MG cheers. 

“Oh, my god.” Josie and Lizzie say in unison. 

They’re sloppy. They’ve been training together since they remembered Hope and she decided they should all learn. But it’s different when it’s putting Jed on his back. Different when she’s stopping to adjust Lizzie’s footwork. When she spends more time flirting with Josie (yes,  _ flirting _ , because even facing death, Hope just wants to see Josie smile.) Mimicking Dr. Saltzman’s “inspirational” speeches.

They’re sloppy and the monsters are stronger. Stronger than Hope remembers. Too strong. They strike and strike and Hope’s feet slide in the broken asphalt. The wall of monsters pushes them backwards. 

The ground shakes beneath her feet and she knows that whatever is about to happen, they’re going to need to go all out. That maybe this isn’t going to work out in their favor, not when they’re all struggling to stop the monsters from coming to close. The monsters surge forward and Josie dodges them with too much effort. She steps too hard to one side and Hope feels her own stomach bottom out. 

She can’t wait. 

_ Josie _ can’t wait. 

Maybe if she hadn’t kissed Josie. Held her hand. Whispered that she wanted to go anywhere - everywhere - with Josie. Maybe if she hadn’t fallen. If she hadn’t let herself get close to anybody again, she’d hesitate. She’d stop and think what would the old Hope do. The old Hope would think everything through- do something she  _ knows  _ is effective. Not because she’s an idiot. 

“Cover me.”

Jed holds his breath for a beat. “Cover  _ what _ ?”

“ _ Me _ . Cover  _ me _ .”

“Don’t do anything crazy.” Jed pleads.

“Hope.” Josie’s cuts through Jed’s voice.

“We need to stop the first wave. We can’t get through them.”

“No,” Josie says loudly. “We can hold them off. We… We can do it, we just need to think. There has to be a way for us to stop all of them. We just need to find a loophole.” 

But the crowd of monsters grows and Hope feels the rock in her pocket shake again. She looks at Josie, and she freezes for a second. 

_ I love you. _

Hope’s never said it before. Never whispered the words. She’s thought of them. In the quiet of the morning when Josie is asleep and drooling on her pillow. Late at night when they’re playing board games with their friends, and Lizzie’s laughing at something MG said. In the library when Josie draws hearts in the margins of her notes and writes her name on Hope’s thigh with her fingertips. When Josie hugs her after a long day, and Hope lets herself sink into her arms. When she breathes. 

“No.” Josie bangs a hand against a tree. “Don’t even  _ think _ about it, Hope.”

Hope looks away. Looks again. Looks back at the monsters, and feels like they’re  _ her  _ responsibility, thinks that she should’ve known that nothing good lasts for her.

“No!” Josie is shouting now. “Hope, I swear to god, if you-” 

“Cover me, Jed.” 

She doesn’t wait, doesn’t slow down to see if Jed is listening to her. She just goes in, head first, like she always does. 

She gasps for air, trying to find even the smallest bubbles of oxygen. 

Then she sees Clarke. Clarke standing over her, in his deformed shape from when they were in Malivore. Clarke holding her by the throat, Clarke telling her that nobody’s going to be able to help her.

She sputters and kicks until she’s turned over, her back in the puddle she’s landed in. It seeps in through her jeans and her jacket and her legs feel too heavy. Too heavy to lift. Too heavy to kick again and sit up. 

It sounds like she’s in an air tunnel. She can hear too much and not enough. Her fingers scrabble over her chest, trying to peel away what’s left of the arm. If she can move it. If she can just scrape it away. Maybe she can breathe.

Clarke is looming above her. Clarke’s grip tightening on her throat.

Then it’s not Clarke. The hand is smaller. Warmer, gentle. Lighter on her skin.

The whisper in her ear fades and then it’s Kaleb, above her, and he’s giving Hope a worried smile, “Hope!” 

Hope lets out a dry laugh, her cheek stinging. “Did you just slap me?” 

“You scared the shit out of me, you deserved it.” 

She grabs at her arm, fingers slipping. “I thought-”

“You thought what?” Kaleb shakes her a little, causing Hope’s head to start lolling back and forth. “Thought you’d go and be a big hero? Newsflash, Mikaelson. We’re not supposed to be heroes,” He squeezes her again. Softly, now. Hope thinks she hears him trying to hide a sob. “Dr. Saltzman is going to kill you.”

Hope spits up some blood. “Was kinda hoping the monsters would kill me first.”

“I’m next.”

Josie drops to a knee in front of her. She pushes her hair back out of her face. “Actually, I’m going to kill you first. Then dad can have his turn.”

Kaleb’s arms slide away. Hope catches herself on her hands, arms shaking with the effort. “Josie, I-”

“You.” Josie shakes her hair out. “This isn’t some big action movie. You don’t need to go out dying a hero. You’re not fucking wonder woman or some shit.” 

Hope coughs. “Doesn’t that make you the equally badass love interest?”

Something in Josie's face softens. “Only if you actually love me.”

Hope sits up a little more. Ignores the ache in her side and the way her arms feel heavy at her sides. “Josie, I’ve been spending every second I possibly can with you. I threw myself into a pile of monsters for you.” She gives Josie a crooked smile. The one that Josie can’t seem to deny.

“You threw yourself into a pile of monsters for  _ us _ . Because we have each other. We belong to each other, right?” Josie's hand shakes where it rests on Hope’s neck. “We belong to-”

Hope makes a show of sighing. “If you sing Pat Benatar at me right now…”

“We belong together.” 

“I love you, Josie. I always have… it just… it took me a while to catch up.” 

She says it out loud and the words don’t sound foreign in her mouth like she thought they would. They don’t send Josie running like she thought they would. Josie leans closer. Rests her forehead against Hope’s and breathes in the same air Hope does. “I am going to sing Pat Benetar now.” She announces.

Jed does the guitar solo somewhere behind them. 

Hope knows that somewhere down the road, there’s going to be things worse than what they’ve already dealt with. That the world would try to take away their happiness, crush the safe bubble she’s created with Josie and her friends. 

Josie’s lips linger on her forehead. “I love you, too,” she mumbles a bit angrily. “I’m still mad at you for almost dying.” 

Hope laughs, forgetting that she’s with other people as she takes Josie’s face in her hands and kisses her. Josie holds her tightly. Pulls Hope in until they’re fused together. 

“Ew, get a room,” Jed comments, and when Josie and Hope look over at her, he blows them a kiss and grabs a hold of Kaleb’s hand. “Okay, since I know all of you losers are alive, I’m out. Taking my boyfriend to my room instead of giving everyone a show.” 

“Jed! Dude, seriously?” Kaleb scolds. 

Jed just laughs, “I’m just kidding. I’m gonna take you out for dinner.” 

“Wait, I wanna join!” MG says. “I could use a trip into town.” He freezes, looking at Lizzie. “ _ We  _ could go into town. Double date?”

“No, I’m trying to take my  _ boyfriend  _ out-”

“Nah, I don’t care. Superman gotta take care of his girl, too.” 

“All of you are ridiculous,” Lizzie says, but she’s smiling. “I want a milkshake, by the way.” 

“Whatever you want, Lizzie.” 

“Should we join them?” Josie asks. 

Hope hesitates. She doesn’t really want to go on a triple date, but they’re her friends. Friends who just almost died for her. “Yeah, yeah. Of course we should.” 

They jog to catch up, and Hope feels better. Even when all of them are a bit banged up, a bit dirty and tired, but it feels normal. Feels like them, and Hope can’t stop the smile from appearing on her face. They hang out at the Mystic Grill for hours and laugh. Hope forgets about the rock from Malivore, it’s presence no longer bothering her. The six of them shoved into a booth, Josie’s hand never leaving hers. 

By the time they get back to the Salvatore school, Hope’s exhausted. She forces herself to take a shower, and by the time she’s done, Josie’s sprawled across her bed, and Hope just stands there, looking at her. 

“What?” 

“Nothing, you’re pretty.” Hope tells her, pulling an oversized sweatshirt over her head before climbing into bed next to her. They don’t talk. They stare at Hope’s blank ceiling, and eventually, Josie links their pinkies together. They share their unspoken promises, and when Hope rolls onto her side to look at Josie, Josie just smiles and pushes Hope’s hair back. 

Then they’re kissing, Josie’s hand playing with the strings of Hope’s sweatshirt and whispering  _ I love you _ against her lips, and Hope feels safe. Feels like she’s finally returning to her home as she kisses Josie, holds her hand, as she pulls her girlfriend closer. 

Then they’re falling.


End file.
